The Thing

What's your thing?

That was the question posed on today's Stuff Christians Like (stalk it with me, will you? Your life will never be the same). And it's also the same question I've been pondering lately. Jon asks, "What’s the thing that makes you feel alive, that talent or gift or art or activity that feels handcrafted for you?"

My gut reaction is to say kids, but that could be the hormones talking. People are always (lovingly) pushing me towards writing and yes, I like writing. I do. I wouldn't have this here blog if I didn't. I wouldn't have a job in editing if I didn't. But it's not all I feel equipped for or gifted with. I already deal with words, words, words in my day job and during some evenings with the blog. I wish, though, that I was doing more with my life in addition to that.

One of the highlights of my week is babysitting 3-year-old J and his 1-year-old sister, E. UH-dorable. I love watching them grow. J is still learning about sharing and following rules. E has just discovered her tongue and walking. I got J a bubble gun for his birthday last week - he LOVED it. So did E. They were outside playing with it for a while. Then J got bored so E wanted to play with it but she hasn't quite mastered all of the dexterity required for such a skill. ;) A lot of times when I leave their house, I'll hug J goodbye and he runs off. Then right before I step out the door, he comes running back. "I wanna give you a kisth!" E couldn't care less when I leave but whenever I come over, she waddles right over to me with a toy in hand so we can play. I do love those kids.

A lifetime ago, I was on the leadership team for a deaf youth ministry. As I've alluded to before, it didn't end well. At the height of it, I was really in it for myself and not for the Lord and that's never a good deal. But what I did love was the mentoring. I was not a rock star at it by any means, but I genuinely wanted to see the young ladies I spent time with grow up in the grace and knowledge of God. And I wanted to help equip them for the world, for life (which was a pretty presumptuous goal for my 19/20 year old self!). Maybe I wasn't the best person to fill that role at that time because I was so young but since then, the desire to encourage those just a few years behind me never really went away. I'm a mother hen, really. My friends hate me for it sometimes ;) and while I'm learning to scale it back, I don't know how to be anything else.

So despite what I said yesterday, I really do want to be a mom, a wother, a mife. I know myself and I know my sin and I tremble at the thought of filling such roles. They are precious and great responsibilities and so easily confounded by sin. But I always forget that grace is part of the equation, too. It's been hard for me to admit, even to myself and to the Lord, that I want to be a wife and a mom. Maybe because I spent so many years convincing myself that "I don't need a man." I can also be kind of a closet feminist and sometimes worry that being married or raising children will mean losing me. And really, I've never been one of those girls who just alwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays wanted to get married and needed romance and flowers and sunshine and long walks to be fulfilled. I'm sure that when/if the time comes, I'll relish the lovey-dovey crap and make everyone around me sick, but honestly, what I'm excited for the most is the partner-in-crime part. ;) The one who's in my corner and holds my hand and doesn't take my crap. The knowing and being known part.

I'm not an idealist. I know marriage and parenthood are hard. So is singleness. There are good things about both and there are hard things about both. There are things you can only learn by being married and things you can only learn from a lifetime of singleness. As a single woman, there are times when I just reallyreallyreally wish I had a husband. And I'm sure that if/when I'm married, there will be times that I will reallyreallyreally wish I was single. Whatever my marital state is, I want to savor the season. I want to savor this season (life? months? years?) of singleness. And I'd want to savor marriage if the Lord called me to it.

So going back to the original question. My thing? Writing and loving on kids. I hope that other things include being a wife and being a mom but if not, that's okay. Because the Thing that all of those things rest on is Christ. If I didn't have writing or babysitting or a husband or kids, I would still have Jesus... and that is the greatest thing of all.

idk, my bff chloe?

Random fact of the day: My hearing aids used to buzz right before I got a text message. I think they were picking up the signal but part of me likes to think I was just a little psychic.

Hearing aids: Speaking of text messages, let me introduce you to Chloe. Chloe is my faithful sidekick... literally, my Sidekick III from T-Mobile. ;-)



(I got that photo from the internets but you get the gist). I love her. I (obviously) don't have a voice plan (I can't talk on the phone unless it's a CapTel or similar device), but for $29.99 per month, I get unlimited text, web and email. Not too shabby, friends. It seems to have been a pretty popular choice among the deaf and hard of hearing community when it first came out but I'm wondering if improved technology (iPhone, iTouch, iWhatever) has changed things. Anyway, I love my Sidekick and yes, I named her Chloe after the character in 24. I'm a nerd. Just go with it.

Before the Sidekick, I had a Motorola 2-way pager:



Literally all it was good for was sending texts. I was glad to even have that option at the time but I'm so thankful for how far technology has come in just a few short years!

In other news: I feel like a senior in college. Caged, a little burnt out, ready for the next big thing. Except this time, there's no First Real Job to look forward to. No Living On My Own For the First Time lurking on the horizon. Those were the Next Big Things after college. What's the Next Big Thing(s) after those? If you say marriage and/or babies, I'll face palm you. (I'm not saying I'm against either one. I just have trouble seeing myself as a wife or mother. Or as soon-to-be sis-in-law called it once, a "wother." Or a "mife," I suppose. I digress.)

So tell me, friends, is this the elusive Life we all speculated about in college? Going to work, paying the bills, connecting at church, stalking people online? (Maybe that last one's just me. Hm.) In between all of that, making friends, hanging with the fam. To be brutally honest, I'm bored. For now, I'm okay being a little bored since last year was so un-boring, but I'm getting restless for change again. I think spring does that to me.

Twitterpated

I broke down and joined Twitter. (What? I was bored)

I have no idea what to do over there. Could I be any more narcissistic?

LucyLu007 if you're into that kind of thing.

So long, lovelies.

I can't make this stuff up

Tuesday afternoon. I'm trying to call the bank. They called me Friday to say that they needed a copy of my registration (I took out an auto loan and so they are listed on the title as the lien holder) with the mileage on it because it wasn't on the one they have. OR SOMETHING. Whatevs. Anyway, I had finally gotten the registration, scanned it and made it a PDF. I was trying to call them back to see if I could just email it to them.

Me: (Ring, ring.)

Bank: "Hi, this is Name."

Me: "Hi, this is Lucy Last Name. You called last week about my auto loan."

Bank: "That's correct."

Me: "Okay, I have a copy of my registration like you needed and I've made it into a PDF. Could I just email it to you? What's your email address?"

Bank: "No, no, no. We need a copy of your title."

Me: (confuzzled) "I don't have my title. You're the lien holder. You should have it."

Bank: "No, the state of Kansas retains the title. We need a copy of your title or registration to complete the information. Do you have the title?"

Me: (you just told me that Kansas retains the title!) "No, I do not have a copy of the title. What I do have is a receipt. I just had to renew my tags this month so I have the receipt from that. Can I email it to you? What's your email address?"

Bank: "No, no, no. We need the title. You do not have a copy of it, correct?"

Me: (YOU JUST TOLD ME THE THAT KANSAS RETAINS THE TITLE) "No, I do not."

Bank: "Well, do you have the registration?"

Me: (GOOD. LORD. Are you on crack?) "YES, I have the registration. I have scanned it and converted it into a PDF on my computer. It's ready to go."

Bank: "Why don't you email it, then?"

Me: (speaking just a little slower than I really need to) "Because. I. Need. Your. Email. Address."

Face, meet palm.

Nostalgia

Random fact of the day: I think it might be time to retire the random facts of the day. I know that blogs by nature can be narcissistic and I'm pondering ways to make this one at least a little bit less so. And anyway, my random facts of the day are usually just regurgitated Facebook statuses, so maybe I should keep my narcissism in one place. ;)

Hearing aids: You know what's ironic? I actually don't always know how to communicate with other hard of hearing people. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? You'd think I'd know best how to do that, since I spend so much time thinking of all the ways everyone else needs to learn how to communicate with me! I think it's because I don't really know that many hard of hearing people. I'm just now starting to meet more. I've spent my life around hearing people, so I've gotten used to communicating like they do - talking to them when their back is turned, yelling to catch someone's attention, etc. I have to readjust my mindset when I'm with someone who has the same communication needs I do (like not talking to their backs, tapping them on the shoulder to catch their attention, etc). Crazy, yeah, but it helps me see things from the hearing person's perspective and how they might feel trying to communicate with me.

In other news: I'm having one of those weeks where I wish I still lived on the MO side. I have been out there almost every night this week. I like that my world is bigger, that I'm not limited to Johnson County or Merriam or Mission or Overland Park. I'm glad that my world is comprised of all of those plus downtown and Midtown (why do we capitalize Midtown but not downtown?) and Raytown and Lee's Summit and Independence and Waldo and Brookside (why do we refer to Waldo and Brookside like they are cities rather than neighborhoods?) and Ward Parkway (why do we refer to this like a city and not just a street?). I'm glad for all of this. I'm thankful to feel at home no matter what the city limits are. My heart is all over the city, with different memories and people and moments and experiences tying me there.

On one of my MO nights, I was driving to my grandma's house and it was almost literally a trip down memory lane. Road construction forced me to find another path than the one I originally intended and I'm so glad for the wandering. As I drove, I remembered things like: I broke my wrist on that playground. Remember when we did set construction for Taming of the Shrew in that vacant storefront? I learned to drive in that parking lot and now it's a Wal-Mart. Church used to be over there. I used to babysit at that house. Grandpa used to take us to that park.

We didn't have a house on that side of the city - we lived 25 minutes away. I didn't learn to ride a bike on those streets. I didn't sled down their hills or catch their lightning bugs... but I grew up over there just the same.

Food, glorious food

Random fact of the day: The clothes at the Carter's outlet aren't any cheaper than the Carter's that Kohl's carries. Save yourselves the trip, friends.

Hearing aids: When I'm eating out on my own, I surprise myself sometimes by how often I use my hearing aids to make my culinary decisions for me. For example, I used to loathe food places that required me to direct someone behind the counter how to make my meal. Subway. Chipotle. Etc. It's stressful trying to to juggle the part of my brain that's still in the process of figuring out what I want to eat and the part that's trying to keep up with what the person behind the counter is asking. I've pretty much gotten over this at Chipotle. I have it all memorized. "What can I get for you? What kind of beans? What kind of meat? What kind of salsa? Cheese? Sour cream? Anything else?" (answers would be: burrito bol, no beans, chicken, mild, just a little cheese, lettuce. And chips and salsa. Mild. Please and thank you). See, I've got it down to a science. I mean really, Chipotle is just so heavenly that any communication obstacles I endure are well worth it.

Subway, on the other hand, seems to be primarily employed by the surliest people in America. I don't think they like their jobs there. Anyway, it's stressful trying to keep track of what kind of bread and what kind of cheese and which one of the four different kinds of chicken and do I want it toasted and what constitutes a $5 footlong AND trying to not piss off the person behind the counter by asking them to repeat themselves every time they ask a question. Pass.

I love Planet Sub but I gotta say, not wild about their method of delivery. I like it when we order P-Sub at work because then the order is in one person's name, we all go down (it's one floor below us at work) to pick it up (paying separately) and all I have to do is wait for my co-workers to point to me so I know it's my turn to pay. Otherwise, if you order something at Planet Sub, they give you a card - as in a card from a deck of playing cards - then you have to listen to them call out the card name. Queen of hearts, jack of spades, five of diamonds, etc. Lordy, I can't even hear them call my NAME at Panera much less have to listen to the name of a card. Pass.

And at Panera, if I'm not with a friend who can listen for my name for me, I just watch the food counter like a hawk and grab what I hope is my plate and hope and pray no one else ordered the exact same thing! ;)

I've blogged before about the perils of drive-thrus. But at the end of the day, I figure this isn't a horrible thing. I eat out less because going INTO a fast food restaurant is just too much work and I'm not brave enough to bypass the drive-thru and go straight to the window to place my order. So I cook more or at least I can console myself with the fact that Chipotle is fresher than most other places. All you calorie counters can just hush right now.

In other news: I seriously need a dog. Or a subscription to eHarmony. All this alone doing isn't boding well, friends. I'm thinking about volunteering at a hospital. The application is mostly ready, I just need to send it in. The reasons for the delay are twofold: 1) the application is buried somewhere on my desk and I'm too lazy to look for it and 2) I'm planning to send it in after my brother's wedding. Weekends are filling up fast already with showers and such. Let the festivities begin!

A month or so ago, I decided to reserve a couple of movies at my local friendly Redbox kiosk. But when I got there, the machine wasn't working, so I went to the nearest Redbox down the block and luckily, they had the titles I wanted, so I got them there instead. I emailed Redbox to report the problem and ask for a refund for the amount the debited me at the first Redbox for movies I never picked up. Instead, they sent me four free codes to use. So basically, four free movies. I redeemed two of them this weekend and let me just say I'm glad they were free.

The Invention of Lying - I was expecting more from this one but I just felt kind of angry when it was over. It gave the impression - in my opinion, at least - that religion is a lie and just something we use to make ourselves feel better. And it wasn't that funny, which I thought was odd considering it had people like Tina Fey, Ricky Gervais and Jonah Hill in it. But maybe that humor was just lost on me.

Love Happens - wasn't terrible, just kind of long. The ending was good, but it took a while to get there. And I kept getting distracted thinking about how much Aaron Eckhart looks like Andy Samberg.

Anyone else been watching Parenthood on NBC? Love it. Makes me laugh and cry all at once.

The big question looming over me lately: What do I want to do with my life? Besides take over the world and all that jazz, of course.

Good night, interwebs.

Construction in progress

Woah. My blog has been all over the place in the last hour or so. Still not happy with the colors. Bear with me.

I went to Columbus this week to visit my cousins. It was so lovely. I am so not ready to be home, to get back to the daily routine. I could easily use another week of vacation. Couldn't we all?

Aesthetically speaking...

My blog is boring.

Help!