Thursday, October 14, 2010

Clearing the (mental) decks

Ugh. Writing is hard. Can I just say that? It's not just coming up with words, but organizing thoughts. Expressing feelings. Sorting through ideas. Let me tell you, that is a monumental task for dreamers like me. I think in metaphors and feel in pictures. Trying to capture all of that with mere words is like trying to catch a cloud and pin it down (name that movie reference!). But it is a good kind of hard. The stretching kind. The say what you mean kind. The makes you think for real this time kind.

But it is tiring. So here are some of the more frivilous thoughts I've entertained lately.

I am having a battle with a single strand of white hair that insists on protruding from my scalp. Now, I'm not afraid of going gray or white or whatever. A woman's glory is her hair, yeah? And I'll wear my white tresses like a crown. But not now. How can I, three years shy of 30, possibly have earned that white hair? I feel like I need to have a few decades of fruitful labor behind me before I'm allowed to join the club. Begone, white hair. Be. Gone. You may come back in 20 years. Or 50.

Where is fall? Well? Where is it? The weather is nice and all... for August. But it's October and I have bug bites. And I want to wear flip flops. Okay, bug bites, flip flops and October. Which of these things is not like the others? I'll give you a hint. It starts with "O" and ends in "ber." As in BBBRRRRR. I want my sweaters and thick socks and warm blankets and crisp apples and steaming mugs and general coziness to ensue. My one hope - knock on wood, cross my fingers and say a prayer - is that mild fall = mild winter. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. I like being chilly but I don't like freezing. Or driving in the snow. Or on ice. Though at the rate we're going, we'll just end up having a winter-long fall season. I could get on board with that.

I guess this one isn't terribly frivolous, but contemplative. I was looking through some old (well, by old, I mean three years ago) pictures on Facebook (isn't that weird to say? I bet our mothers never imagined a day when the word "Facebook" would replace "photo album.") and I was struck by how much things have changed in three years. So much. I go to a different church. I live somewhere else. I work somewhere else. I drive a different car. I have a new family member. I do different things with my spare time, when I have it. Back then, I had oodles and oodles of spare time and not in a good way. Three years seems like a long time. Five years seems like a lifetime ago. And I still maintain I'm not old, despite what my white hair is trying to tell me. But I'm feeling more keenly the passage of time and I know it only goes faster as I get older. That makes me a little nervous. And a little excited, because I have only the faintest glimmer of what's ahead. But it will be grand. So, so grand.

I have a question for you. Yeah, you. Not the person next to you or five cities away. You. Y'know how I tried doing that What Would You Ask thing? I'm wondering now, what would you say? Instead of me feeding you information about hearing loss, what do you want someone with hearing loss to know? Maybe you're a friend of someone who wears hearing aids or you are raising them or you have to talk a little louder to your grandma. Or maybe you've been living with hearing loss for a long time and have some wisdom to impart. I don't know anything everything. I have things to learn and I'm in the mood to listen. So spill it and I'll share it. You'll be famous. To all three of my readers, anyway.

I'm going to bed now. Because I am old. Let's just call it what it is.


  1. How do you hold a moon beam in your hand :). Your next post should be about a few of your favorite things...

    Okay, so fun story. I'm doing an ethnography project for my class and the group I chose to observe is our city's roller derby team. I watched them practice last night and it was fantastic. Afterwards they invited me out so I could ask them questions and just hang out with them. I was talking to a group of people and then I heard one of the male derby players make a comment about not being able to hear what happened. I guess I must have looked at him quizzically because then he explained to me that he was deaf.

    I was really surprised because I had been talking to him for probably 20 minutes and had no idea. I then peppered him with questions about his experience in derby and his hearing loss. It was really amazing to get his perspective on participating in what I had presumed to be a hearing intensive sport. In the practice I watched there was music playing, teammates shouted directions to each other, and there were whistles that signified the beginning and end of plays but somehow he made it work and I thought that was pretty great!

    P.S. Checking for new blog entries from you is one of the very first things I do every day at work! I love them!

  2. I had one odd white hair when I was about seventeen. I pulled it out and (knocking on wood now) it never came back. Hopefully you've just got one rogue follicle that isn't indicative of the whole lot.

    I think completely in words so it's interesting to contemplate your pinning down clouds!

    And I have no wisdom for you. I might say that you don't have to talk really loud with out your hearing aids, we can still hear you, but that's just because my kid is 5. I'm looking forward to explaining that to her when she's a little older. Then maybe we can turn down the volume!