My Song (and a crash course in BSL)

When I was in college, I had to read a short story whose title I've forgotten already. It was about an old lady who lived in an antebellum mansion and was obsessed with the past and the Civil War (at least I think it was the Civil War. I may be making that up) even though it was after the turn of the century. During the class discussion over the story, I learned a new word - anachronism. The main character was so closely associated with the time period that she was obsessed with that it made her seem out of place in her current setting. She didn't "belong" in the present.

Taking some liberties with the definition, this video reminds me of the same theme. Not really fitting in any one particular world, but trying to find a way to carry on regardless. Anyway, step away from that King of Queens episode that you've seen 729 times and watch this instead.




It's okay if you cried, I did, too. Well, I would have if my eyes weren't fighting a losing battle to stay open. Even though the film was made in Britain and used BSL (British Sign Language... yes, each country has its own sign language), I could relate to Ellen's struggle to fit in. And now I want to brush up on my BSL alphabet! 





Have you ever felt like you didn't quite fit in? How did you respond?

Do you sign?

I don't remember learning sign language, but I also don't remember a time when I didn't know how to sign. I was mainstreamed starting in preschool and was around other deaf and hard of hearing children all through elementary school. I had interpreters in my classroom and spent time with Deaf Education teachers. Even my hearing friends learned to sign and we would "talk" during class... unfortunately, the teachers knew some sign language, too so we rarely got off scot-free! ;)

I never liked to sign at home, though, and I wish I could tell you why that is, but I haven't got a clue. I was fine with it at school but insecure signing at home. Maybe because at school, I was one of several deaf/hard of hearing students but at home, I was the only one with hearing loss. Was signing at home an uncomfortable reminder that I was "different"? 

My parents and brothers do know a little bit - in typical BOY fashion, my brothers delight in signing "turtle" and "poop" over and over and over again. Eye. Roll. They all know how to sign the alphabet and that comes in handy when I just can't understand something they've repeated several times. Sometimes just signing the first letter of the word they're trying to say makes something click and I'll figure out that, doh, they were saying "mother" and not "brother."

But for the most part, I don't sign with my family or hearing friends, just with my deaf and hard of hearing friends. When I was growing up, my interpreters used CASE with me - Conceptually Accurate Signed English (others may know it as PSE), which uses ASL (American Sign Language) vocabulary but English word order and grammar. Many people don't know that ASL is actually considered a foreign language with its own grammar and syntax. I can understand ASL but I wouldn't say that I'm fluent in signing it myself. After a few years of being out of touch with the deaf and hard of hearing community, my signing grew rusty. Now, though, I feel like I'm getting my fingers back, though I'm not quite sure what brand of sign language I'd say I use. It feels more like a cross between CASE and SEE (Signing Exact English), which I lovingly refer to as LSL - Lucy Sign Language. ;) I'm thankful that my deaf and hard of hearing friends are patient with me as I re-learn everything!

Sometimes I wonder if I should be encouraging my hearing friends and family to learn a few more signs. What if my hearing loss progresses? How will we communicate? And not that I'm ancient by any means, but the older I get, I'm finding that I have less patience to keep up with groups of hearing people... maybe if I taught my close friends and family to be more fluent, our conversations would flow a little more smoothly. Plus, I watch a lot of small children and just welcomed a sweet little nephew into the world over the weekend. Children are hard for me to understand and I'd like to find a fun and easy way to teach them to sign so we can still communicate and enjoy each other.

How about you? Is sign language a part of your life? 

Medley

I babysit some Monday nights. One of the kids is 6 and wears hearing aids, like I do. But after talking to her and her mom, I discovered that her hearing loss is mild. She can go without her hearing aids and responds fairly well when I give her instructions - even when she is not facing me to read lips. I have a friend who lost her hearing after her daughter went to college. She's tried learning sign language and to speech read, but it's been a struggle.

Hearing loss isn't a one-size-fits-all kind of deal. The level of hearing loss (mild, moderate or profound), how old someone was when they lost their hearing, whether they were the only deaf/hard of hearing person in their family or not, how much support they've had in their hearing loss journey, - there are so many factors that make hearing loss unique for each person who lives with it. Some wear cochlear implants, some wear hearing aids and still others find neither of those to be viable options. Some people prefer to sign, others to voice for themselves. Some are good speech readers and others not so much.

I always appreciate it when someone asks me how they can best communicate with me. For reasons I've never understood myself, I get uncomfortable when someone I don't know tries to sign to me. I guess I don't like the assumption that just because I wear hearing aids, I must not be capable of speech. I'm not sure every single person I run into really thinks that and hello, we've established that I am She Who Thinks Too Much, so it's entirely possible that I over analyze it when someone shows me that they know the phrase "thank you" in sign language. Buuuuut still. I'd rather someone ask me how I prefer to communicate rather than offer a solution that might not fit my needs or personality.

And now I'm finding the road goes both ways. For a long time, I was the only hard of hearing person I knew. But now that I'm spending more time with other deaf and hard of hearing people, I'm convicted about my own need to accommodate others. Isn't that funny? All these years, I've been thinking about what I need other people to do in order to accommodate me that I forget there are things that I can do to make communication easier for others. For example, I want to be a more natural and comfortable signer just because there are now some people in my life for whom signing is their primary mode of communication. I also need to do a better job of remembering the simplest things like turning so that someone can see my face or not obstructing their view of whoever is speaking. Things I want to educate people to do but fail to remember myself (Oh hey, hypocrisy, how are you?). Guess I still have a lot to learn myself! ;)

Is Happy Hour still happy if you don't drink?

Random fact of the day: When I was a kid, my chores were to empty the dishwasher and to take out the trash. To this day, I would rather clean my apartment from top to bottom than do either of those things. In fact, my clean dishes have been sitting in the dishwasher since Monday. Just go with it.

Hearing aids: I get asked a lot of I know sign language. I do, I just choose not to use it much. I'm happy to let my hands do the talking if I'm conversing with a deaf or hard of hearing person or with an interpreter but beyond that, I'm milking my voice for all it's worth. I don't like to sign because I tend to avoid things that separate me from other people, that make me different. I know, I know, we're all unique (gag) and should celebrate our differences (double gag) but I don't like standing out. I like to blend in.

In other news: I have a sneaking suspicion there's some kind of drinking subculture at... church. I know, right? One girl I met in my small group asked me if I did Happy Hour. I stammered out something like, "No, maybe, sure, what?" She said she'd invite me the next time she and her friends go. Then at church on Wednesday, this guy introduced himself to me and said that "a bunch of us are going to (Bar Name) if you want to join us." And all I could think is, "At 8:30?! On a school night?! Alcohol?! I have to work tomorrow!" I basically said thank you, but not this time. I told him I was still getting over a cold. Which was technically true but not true enough to be a valid reason for not going. The truth was twofold - a) I'm just not that into drinking and b) the idea of trying to get to know people in a dimly lit establishment after struggling all night to keep up with the topic did not really appeal to me. I didn't think it was the right time to dump all of that on him, though!

I'm really not against drinking. If you have a glass of wine with your meal or a beer during a game, what do I care? If you have several and start getting mean and lose your inhibitions or worse, get behind the wheel, then I have a problem. Drinking = ok. Getting drunk = no bueno.

I'm just not that interesting in drinking myself. I will have something mild, like a cooler, ooooonce in a while (I mean, I am talking like once or twice a year here) but that's it. Going out for Happy Hour or to the bar every week doesn't float my boat and here is why:

1) I'm not that crazy about the taste. If it's really fruity, I could probably go for it, but beyond that, ick.

2) CALORIES, friends. Avoid them like the plague.

3) Drinks are expensive! The day after I turned the guy's invitation down, I looked up the bar in question, wondering if maybe I was confused and it wasn't a bar, just a restaurant or something. Nope, definitely a bar. And the drinks were like $9, $11, $7. The cheapest I could find was $5 for a spritzer. (Which I made note of should I ever decide to join them) I would just rather put my money towards something else - Redbox, electric bill, groceries, savings account, shoes, a restaurant I actually like, etc. Alcohol is just not something I want to pay for regularly.

4) Alcoholism runs in my grandma's family. I don't really know where I stand on the whole "Is alcoholism genetic" debate, but why take the risk of becoming addicted?

5) I have an obsessive personality. For instance, if I'm going through some drama with someone - an argument, a disagreement, a personality difference, whatever - I tend to sink my teeth in it and never let go. I recycle old arguments in person and in my head and just can't seem to let things go.(And all my friends and family just looked at me in feigned shock. Go away.) I struggle with my weight because I struggle with food. I eat mindlessly and get cranky when I don't have something delicious stuffed in my mouth. I mean, seriously, have you seen me with a piece of chocolate? It is not pretty. So really, where's the wisdom in putting alcohol in the hands of someone who tends to cling to things and not let go?

This is not to say that I will never, ever, ever, ever drink or anything. I don't mind it once in a while. I just don't want to make a habit of it. Which leaves me wondering now - am I going to be able to make friends at church without Happy Hour-ing?

Meh. I'll just have to entice them with home-cooked meals and good, old-fashioned movie nights. ;)