What's your thing?
That was the question posed on today's Stuff Christians Like (stalk it with me, will you? Your life will never be the same). And it's also the same question I've been pondering lately. Jon asks, "What’s the thing that makes you feel alive, that talent or gift or art or activity that feels handcrafted for you?"
My gut reaction is to say kids, but that could be the hormones talking. People are always (lovingly) pushing me towards writing and yes, I like writing. I do. I wouldn't have this here blog if I didn't. I wouldn't have a job in editing if I didn't. But it's not all I feel equipped for or gifted with. I already deal with words, words, words in my day job and during some evenings with the blog. I wish, though, that I was doing more with my life in addition to that.
One of the highlights of my week is babysitting 3-year-old J and his 1-year-old sister, E. UH-dorable. I love watching them grow. J is still learning about sharing and following rules. E has just discovered her tongue and walking. I got J a bubble gun for his birthday last week - he LOVED it. So did E. They were outside playing with it for a while. Then J got bored so E wanted to play with it but she hasn't quite mastered all of the dexterity required for such a skill. ;) A lot of times when I leave their house, I'll hug J goodbye and he runs off. Then right before I step out the door, he comes running back. "I wanna give you a kisth!" E couldn't care less when I leave but whenever I come over, she waddles right over to me with a toy in hand so we can play. I do love those kids.
A lifetime ago, I was on the leadership team for a deaf youth ministry. As I've alluded to before, it didn't end well. At the height of it, I was really in it for myself and not for the Lord and that's never a good deal. But what I did love was the mentoring. I was not a rock star at it by any means, but I genuinely wanted to see the young ladies I spent time with grow up in the grace and knowledge of God. And I wanted to help equip them for the world, for life (which was a pretty presumptuous goal for my 19/20 year old self!). Maybe I wasn't the best person to fill that role at that time because I was so young but since then, the desire to encourage those just a few years behind me never really went away. I'm a mother hen, really. My friends hate me for it sometimes ;) and while I'm learning to scale it back, I don't know how to be anything else.
So despite what I said yesterday, I really do want to be a mom, a wother, a mife. I know myself and I know my sin and I tremble at the thought of filling such roles. They are precious and great responsibilities and so easily confounded by sin. But I always forget that grace is part of the equation, too. It's been hard for me to admit, even to myself and to the Lord, that I want to be a wife and a mom. Maybe because I spent so many years convincing myself that "I don't need a man." I can also be kind of a closet feminist and sometimes worry that being married or raising children will mean losing me. And really, I've never been one of those girls who just alwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays wanted to get married and needed romance and flowers and sunshine and long walks to be fulfilled. I'm sure that when/if the time comes, I'll relish the lovey-dovey crap and make everyone around me sick, but honestly, what I'm excited for the most is the partner-in-crime part. ;) The one who's in my corner and holds my hand and doesn't take my crap. The knowing and being known part.
I'm not an idealist. I know marriage and parenthood are hard. So is singleness. There are good things about both and there are hard things about both. There are things you can only learn by being married and things you can only learn from a lifetime of singleness. As a single woman, there are times when I just reallyreallyreally wish I had a husband. And I'm sure that if/when I'm married, there will be times that I will reallyreallyreally wish I was single. Whatever my marital state is, I want to savor the season. I want to savor this season (life? months? years?) of singleness. And I'd want to savor marriage if the Lord called me to it.
So going back to the original question. My thing? Writing and loving on kids. I hope that other things include being a wife and being a mom but if not, that's okay. Because the Thing that all of those things rest on is Christ. If I didn't have writing or babysitting or a husband or kids, I would still have Jesus... and that is the greatest thing of all.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
On Adulthood and Independence
Random fact of the day: I don't like tea. I've tried. My most recent endeavor was this weekend. Determined to find something warm to drink (because I've been battling a cold) that wasn't high in sugar (apple juice/cider) or dairy (milk = mucus = gross), I convinced myself I would just have to learn to love tea. So I bought a small box of assorted herbal teas. Three flavors later, I'm still not a convert. Gag. Me.
Hearing aids: I recently met a girl who's in my small group at church and who happens to live in the same apartment complex. She's also a speech therapist and as a product of years (or what feels like years, anyway) of speech therapy myself, we had a lot of common ground and I like to think we bonded. Anyway, all that to say - speech therapy. I'd be the first to say I hated it at the time and also the first to say how thankful I am I did it. I don't know how long I did it, but it was a pretty regular experience in elementary school. I would visit the school speech therapist for I don't really know how often a week but we would go over vocabulary and speech sounds. I had problems with the "sss" sound. We practiced over and over and over and over and over again. My speech therapist, Karen, had to tell me constantly that I had to put my front teeth behind my bottom teeth in order to "sss" appropriately. WHATEVER. But to this day, I'm very intentional about my teeth placement!
In other news: I've been thinking about adulthood/independence and what got me fired up was Boundless. I used to read it pretty regularly in high school/college but over the last couple of years, I've tapered off. It's Focus on the Family's answer to young adults (18-40), I guess. Anywhozzle, I feel like I have a love/hate relationship with Boundless. On one hand, I appreciate the community of young adults coming together - single, married, whatever - and since they regularly refer to people I respect, like Josh Harris, CJ Mahaney and John Piper, I figure they can't be too bad.
But at the same time, sometimes I feel like there's something missing. Like what they say is well thought out and logical and good, but seems to be missing the point, namely Christ. I feel like calling them legalistic would be too strong - their articles encourage readers to be wise and have a Scripture-centered view of things, which is well and good, but seem to put a lot of emphasis on US and OUR decision making, and less on the person of Christ and who He is and what He's done.
Anyway, they had several articles about whether to live alone or with people. This one girl in particular wrote an article that I'm having a hard time with. She's 25, the oldest of 12 and has chosen to keep living at home. Then there's me, who at almost 27, has chosen to live alone. I haven't made that decision lightly and frankly, this article and others on Boundless made me rethink for a while whether it was wise to live alone.
Here's a basic summary of some of her points:
Living at home is good training for the "real world," interacting with others daily and being flexible with your time. Living alone promotes independence, which is really self-centeredness, and an increasing inability to be flexible.
Living at home affords protection. As a single woman, she doesn't have to worry about being afraid walking from her car to her house because most likely, her dad is still awake and in the dining room. When it comes to dating, her dad and brothers offer a protection - where she may not see past a guy's charm, her dad and brothers can.
Living at home increases financial responsibility. She was able to start a career as a freelance writer without fretting over rent and saved up enough money to buy her own laptop. Now she pays her parents the same amount she would in rent and hopes to have enough saved to buy her own van - cash.
Living at home affords more opportunities to engage as part of a community and more opportunities to serve.
MMMMMMMMMMK. I agree with several of these on paper, especially the part about independence, being part of a community and having opportunities to serve. But let's break it down, shall we?
Yes, living alone has made it easier for me to focus on myself and not in a good way. I have to work harder to be part of a community and seek out ways to serve. Yet I'm not convinced this is an entirely terrible thing for an introvert such as myself. It means I see more quickly and clearly the drawbacks of not being in a community or serving and I have to work harder to take part of those things. I've lived with roommates before and honestly, that just discouraged me from doing much outside of my house because I expected my roommates to fill those needs (which was wrong of me but the point is that living with people doesn't necessarily ensure community) - which they didn't because they couldn't - unlike me, they worked to have lives outside of our dorm room/house, whereas I, the Homebody, was content to have my community happen within the four walls of my abode.
Yes, living at home or with roommates does offer a certain protection. I know I feel safer when I live with people, but I also lose an opportunity to trust God and only God (not my dad or my roommates or the police) for my protection. Living alone has actually exposed my idol of safety and led me to my knees to ask forgiveness and learn how to lean on God alone. It's harder to do that when I live with people. As for the protection in dating aspect - I don't really have a response to that. I've never even dated, so what do I know? But I would think/hope that a) I'm mature enough to think for myself and seek the Lord's wisdom and guidance before and during a dating relationship and b) just because I don't live at home doesn't mean I wouldn't ask for my parents' and brothers' perspective.
As for financial responsibility, I admire the author for being so disciplined with her money, for being able to buy a car - cash, no less! - and buy her own laptop. I guess I can't really argue with that, but for me, I'm not sure I would have learned to be financially independent if I hadn't left home. Being held accountable to banks (which can penalize you) and landlords is a much harsher kick in the butt than being accountable to my parents. But I think the financial responsibility argument would vary from person to person.
Honestly, I read that article yesterday with a little bit of contempt. Isn't that awful?! I just kept thinking that maybe I was a little bit better than her because I don't live with my parents anymore and I know how to do things that she doesn't so there. :p Along that same vein, I was working on my taxes the other night and as much as I hate math and numbers and decimals and calculators, I was a little proud. Not proud of myself, but puffed up. I know several young women who have someone else do their taxes (their dads or husbands) and I sometimes feel like I'm just a little more grown up for doing them myself. Yes, awful! (But the truth is, I'm envious of those of you who have someone to do their taxes! ;))
And I do pride myself on being independent. I have a full time job. I pay my rent on time. I usually forget to pay my insurance on time (oops) BUT I've built a good rapport with my insurance agent and it always works out. I buy my own groceries and plan my own meals. I decorate my apartment my way and I have my own vacuum cleaner (I felt that was important to note for some reason). When I get back home from the store, I bring all the bags in by myself and if I'm sick, I take care of myself. Clearly, I don't need a man. I may or may not be a closet feminist. Hm.
But then I think - where exactly is this pride coming from? Why is it so important to be independent and on my own? Why do I look down on people who don't do their own taxes or who still live with their parents? Why does it matter? There's nothing in Scripture that says that independence is one of the fruits of the Spirit. Christ doesn't commend us for being on our own. On the contrary, the Word is all about dependence on Christ and living in community and that we weren't made to be alone.
I can think of a bunch of excuses - from wanting to be my own person to proving I'm capable - but they all fly away in the face of Christ. None of that really matters before the Lord. But the thing is, I do feel okay in Christ to live alone. I don't feel like I'm in sin for not having a roommate or for not moving back home. I don't think I'm wrong for wanting to think for myself and to be my own person apart from my family. And really, because we live in a fallen world, there's never going to be a perfect situation. There are good things and bad things about living at home when you're 25. There are good and bad things about living on your own at (almost) 27. There's no one scenario that pleases God more than the other - what matters is the motivation behind it.
And my motivation for living alone? There are several, but the bottom line is that I'm exhausted. I spend all day long - ALL DAY - working, working, working. I'm not talking about my job where I get a paycheck. I work all day to listen with my eyes, to try and figure out who said what and what they're talking about and who is talking now and what was that noise and carrying on conversations that I may or may not have understood. It's exhausting. And to come home to MORE of that at the end of the day would fry my brain. So for now, it's a refuge for me to come home to silence. To just lay on the couch and watch TV (yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, captions!) and not have to work so dang hard.
And in a lot of ways, I feel more free to be myself. I love to have people over and cook for them. That's hard to do when you live with others. I don't feel as free to ask a friend over when I have to share the kitchen with three other people. I can't practice hospitality as well if I have to worry about whether my very long conversation with my guest in the living room is inconveniencing my roommates. Living alone frees me to better practice hospitality. I'm less distracted by roommates which frees me to blog more or delve into Scripture deeper. I don't feel so self-conscious about trying (and burning) new recipes. Without roommates around, I have more incentive to get out and meet new people (still working on this one!). In short, I'm more free to be an adult when I live alone than when I live with people.
Yes, marriage could be the exception. I have nothing of worth to contribute to that scenario as I'm not married nor do I have any prospects. This is just my (almost) 27-year-old perspective on adulthood. Subject to change at any time. ;)
If you made it this far, I salute you!
Hearing aids: I recently met a girl who's in my small group at church and who happens to live in the same apartment complex. She's also a speech therapist and as a product of years (or what feels like years, anyway) of speech therapy myself, we had a lot of common ground and I like to think we bonded. Anyway, all that to say - speech therapy. I'd be the first to say I hated it at the time and also the first to say how thankful I am I did it. I don't know how long I did it, but it was a pretty regular experience in elementary school. I would visit the school speech therapist for I don't really know how often a week but we would go over vocabulary and speech sounds. I had problems with the "sss" sound. We practiced over and over and over and over and over again. My speech therapist, Karen, had to tell me constantly that I had to put my front teeth behind my bottom teeth in order to "sss" appropriately. WHATEVER. But to this day, I'm very intentional about my teeth placement!
In other news: I've been thinking about adulthood/independence and what got me fired up was Boundless. I used to read it pretty regularly in high school/college but over the last couple of years, I've tapered off. It's Focus on the Family's answer to young adults (18-40), I guess. Anywhozzle, I feel like I have a love/hate relationship with Boundless. On one hand, I appreciate the community of young adults coming together - single, married, whatever - and since they regularly refer to people I respect, like Josh Harris, CJ Mahaney and John Piper, I figure they can't be too bad.
But at the same time, sometimes I feel like there's something missing. Like what they say is well thought out and logical and good, but seems to be missing the point, namely Christ. I feel like calling them legalistic would be too strong - their articles encourage readers to be wise and have a Scripture-centered view of things, which is well and good, but seem to put a lot of emphasis on US and OUR decision making, and less on the person of Christ and who He is and what He's done.
Anyway, they had several articles about whether to live alone or with people. This one girl in particular wrote an article that I'm having a hard time with. She's 25, the oldest of 12 and has chosen to keep living at home. Then there's me, who at almost 27, has chosen to live alone. I haven't made that decision lightly and frankly, this article and others on Boundless made me rethink for a while whether it was wise to live alone.
Here's a basic summary of some of her points:
Living at home is good training for the "real world," interacting with others daily and being flexible with your time. Living alone promotes independence, which is really self-centeredness, and an increasing inability to be flexible.
Living at home affords protection. As a single woman, she doesn't have to worry about being afraid walking from her car to her house because most likely, her dad is still awake and in the dining room. When it comes to dating, her dad and brothers offer a protection - where she may not see past a guy's charm, her dad and brothers can.
Living at home increases financial responsibility. She was able to start a career as a freelance writer without fretting over rent and saved up enough money to buy her own laptop. Now she pays her parents the same amount she would in rent and hopes to have enough saved to buy her own van - cash.
Living at home affords more opportunities to engage as part of a community and more opportunities to serve.
MMMMMMMMMMK. I agree with several of these on paper, especially the part about independence, being part of a community and having opportunities to serve. But let's break it down, shall we?
Yes, living alone has made it easier for me to focus on myself and not in a good way. I have to work harder to be part of a community and seek out ways to serve. Yet I'm not convinced this is an entirely terrible thing for an introvert such as myself. It means I see more quickly and clearly the drawbacks of not being in a community or serving and I have to work harder to take part of those things. I've lived with roommates before and honestly, that just discouraged me from doing much outside of my house because I expected my roommates to fill those needs (which was wrong of me but the point is that living with people doesn't necessarily ensure community) - which they didn't because they couldn't - unlike me, they worked to have lives outside of our dorm room/house, whereas I, the Homebody, was content to have my community happen within the four walls of my abode.
Yes, living at home or with roommates does offer a certain protection. I know I feel safer when I live with people, but I also lose an opportunity to trust God and only God (not my dad or my roommates or the police) for my protection. Living alone has actually exposed my idol of safety and led me to my knees to ask forgiveness and learn how to lean on God alone. It's harder to do that when I live with people. As for the protection in dating aspect - I don't really have a response to that. I've never even dated, so what do I know? But I would think/hope that a) I'm mature enough to think for myself and seek the Lord's wisdom and guidance before and during a dating relationship and b) just because I don't live at home doesn't mean I wouldn't ask for my parents' and brothers' perspective.
As for financial responsibility, I admire the author for being so disciplined with her money, for being able to buy a car - cash, no less! - and buy her own laptop. I guess I can't really argue with that, but for me, I'm not sure I would have learned to be financially independent if I hadn't left home. Being held accountable to banks (which can penalize you) and landlords is a much harsher kick in the butt than being accountable to my parents. But I think the financial responsibility argument would vary from person to person.
Honestly, I read that article yesterday with a little bit of contempt. Isn't that awful?! I just kept thinking that maybe I was a little bit better than her because I don't live with my parents anymore and I know how to do things that she doesn't so there. :p Along that same vein, I was working on my taxes the other night and as much as I hate math and numbers and decimals and calculators, I was a little proud. Not proud of myself, but puffed up. I know several young women who have someone else do their taxes (their dads or husbands) and I sometimes feel like I'm just a little more grown up for doing them myself. Yes, awful! (But the truth is, I'm envious of those of you who have someone to do their taxes! ;))
And I do pride myself on being independent. I have a full time job. I pay my rent on time. I usually forget to pay my insurance on time (oops) BUT I've built a good rapport with my insurance agent and it always works out. I buy my own groceries and plan my own meals. I decorate my apartment my way and I have my own vacuum cleaner (I felt that was important to note for some reason). When I get back home from the store, I bring all the bags in by myself and if I'm sick, I take care of myself. Clearly, I don't need a man. I may or may not be a closet feminist. Hm.
But then I think - where exactly is this pride coming from? Why is it so important to be independent and on my own? Why do I look down on people who don't do their own taxes or who still live with their parents? Why does it matter? There's nothing in Scripture that says that independence is one of the fruits of the Spirit. Christ doesn't commend us for being on our own. On the contrary, the Word is all about dependence on Christ and living in community and that we weren't made to be alone.
I can think of a bunch of excuses - from wanting to be my own person to proving I'm capable - but they all fly away in the face of Christ. None of that really matters before the Lord. But the thing is, I do feel okay in Christ to live alone. I don't feel like I'm in sin for not having a roommate or for not moving back home. I don't think I'm wrong for wanting to think for myself and to be my own person apart from my family. And really, because we live in a fallen world, there's never going to be a perfect situation. There are good things and bad things about living at home when you're 25. There are good and bad things about living on your own at (almost) 27. There's no one scenario that pleases God more than the other - what matters is the motivation behind it.
And my motivation for living alone? There are several, but the bottom line is that I'm exhausted. I spend all day long - ALL DAY - working, working, working. I'm not talking about my job where I get a paycheck. I work all day to listen with my eyes, to try and figure out who said what and what they're talking about and who is talking now and what was that noise and carrying on conversations that I may or may not have understood. It's exhausting. And to come home to MORE of that at the end of the day would fry my brain. So for now, it's a refuge for me to come home to silence. To just lay on the couch and watch TV (yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, captions!) and not have to work so dang hard.
And in a lot of ways, I feel more free to be myself. I love to have people over and cook for them. That's hard to do when you live with others. I don't feel as free to ask a friend over when I have to share the kitchen with three other people. I can't practice hospitality as well if I have to worry about whether my very long conversation with my guest in the living room is inconveniencing my roommates. Living alone frees me to better practice hospitality. I'm less distracted by roommates which frees me to blog more or delve into Scripture deeper. I don't feel so self-conscious about trying (and burning) new recipes. Without roommates around, I have more incentive to get out and meet new people (still working on this one!). In short, I'm more free to be an adult when I live alone than when I live with people.
Yes, marriage could be the exception. I have nothing of worth to contribute to that scenario as I'm not married nor do I have any prospects. This is just my (almost) 27-year-old perspective on adulthood. Subject to change at any time. ;)
If you made it this far, I salute you!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Monday Miscellany
Random fact of the day: I'm mildly worried around dogs. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm scared of them. I mean, I've dog sat before (Okay, just ONCE, but still). But I don't think I've ever been able to feel totally at ease around canines. I never had any pets growing up (except for the cat we eventually discovered I was allergic to and got rid of when I was nine) so I think I just never really figured out how to be cool around animals. Yes, even domesticated ones! Lame points = 1.62 million.
Hearing Aids: With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I've been thinking more about love and romance and all that gag-y stuff. I've never had a boyfriend and not really any prospects, either. I worry that guys are turned off by my weight and/or hearing aids. The weight, I can work on. The hearing aids, not so much. (There's no exercise program to regain your hearing! ;)) I wonder if guys look at me and think, "That'd be too much work." Repeating themselves. Not being able to enjoy the same things like going to concerts or big parties. Not being able to talk (easily) on the phone. Such little things but life is made of little things.
But then I remember that my life isn't my own, God has His own plans and if that includes marriage, then I can trust Him with those fears. And if He doesn't have marriage in mind for me, then all my worries are moot points anyway. ;)
In other news: I'm trying to read more and watch less TV. Lost notwithstanding. That one's a non-negotiable. ;)) My (short) reading list so far includes:
The Jewel of Gresham Green - Lawana Blackwell
Lip Reader - Shanna Groves
Relationships: A mess worth making - Tim Lane & Paul Tripp
Absolute Surrender - Andrew Murray
Suffering and the Sovereignty of God - John Piper and Justin Taylor, eds.
Progress is slow, but it sure beats watching every episode of King of Queens for the 473rd time. ;)
Hearing Aids: With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I've been thinking more about love and romance and all that gag-y stuff. I've never had a boyfriend and not really any prospects, either. I worry that guys are turned off by my weight and/or hearing aids. The weight, I can work on. The hearing aids, not so much. (There's no exercise program to regain your hearing! ;)) I wonder if guys look at me and think, "That'd be too much work." Repeating themselves. Not being able to enjoy the same things like going to concerts or big parties. Not being able to talk (easily) on the phone. Such little things but life is made of little things.
But then I remember that my life isn't my own, God has His own plans and if that includes marriage, then I can trust Him with those fears. And if He doesn't have marriage in mind for me, then all my worries are moot points anyway. ;)
In other news: I'm trying to read more and watch less TV. Lost notwithstanding. That one's a non-negotiable. ;)) My (short) reading list so far includes:
The Jewel of Gresham Green - Lawana Blackwell
Lip Reader - Shanna Groves
Relationships: A mess worth making - Tim Lane & Paul Tripp
Absolute Surrender - Andrew Murray
Suffering and the Sovereignty of God - John Piper and Justin Taylor, eds.
Progress is slow, but it sure beats watching every episode of King of Queens for the 473rd time. ;)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
This is why I'm still single
Random fact of the day: I figured out why I'm still single. You know how everyone and their mom is doing that doppleganger thing on Facebook? I was bored, so I went to www.myheritage.com to find out which celebrity I most resemble. The results were catastrophic, and very telling of my marital status. After all, what (straight) respectable male would want to be the father of this person's babies:
YUP. Apparently, my #1 celebrity match is Elton John. Who is not even in the same gender pool as me. Ah, well. The mystery as to why I have never, ever been on a date is finally solved, my dear Watson!
Hearing Aids: Oh man. If I ever forget how much I love J-Pipe, all you have to do is wave this little morsel under my brain. Even though it's about not wasting your cancer, I think most of the points apply to other illnesses and disabilities as well. The ones that stuck out to me the most:
1.) You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it was designed for you by God. (I am going through a season where I'm struggling to wrap my head around this. This part of my theology used to come so easily - we suffer because Jesus suffered. Creation groans as a woman in childbirth. The best is yet to come. I get it. But for this season, it would appear the Lord has some more He wants to show me because I can't seem to let it go. I've got to know more about this strange concept of suffering being good and not just allowed by God, but designed by God. Isn't that so not what the world would say? I marvel at that.)
3.) You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death. (Ok, hearing loss doesn't carry a mortality rate, but I think we will waste everything if we do not think about death and the life beyond this one)
5.) You will waste your cancer if you think that "beating" cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ. (I don't plan to "beat" my hearing loss. I can't. What I try to do instead is develop some sort of worldly platitude like, "I won't let this hearing loss get me down; I'm going to be awesome and prevail in spite of it. I'll show them." Whoever "them" is. But that's all wrong. None of that matters if I'm not cherishing Christ)
7.) You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection. (Oh, ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch. This is what I do, oh, 99% of the time. So, ouch)
8.) You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope. (I've said that I don't think I have or will ever stop grieving on some level for losing my hearing. But that's wrong. It wasn't mine to begin with, it was God's, so how can I grieve for what was never mine? And I do have hope - in Christ. I look forward to the day when I can hear and join in with the multitude around the throne and proclaim, "Worthy is the Lamb who was slain.")
In other news: Honestly, I'm just here to kill time before Lost comes on. Before the final season of Lost comes on. Ohhhh, the anticipation is running rampant in these here parts!
I have a decision to make in the next few months... my lease is up in July but I have to give the leasing office an answer by May. Stay here for another year? Move back to the city? Stay in the same area but a different residence? Get a roommate or go it alone? Decisions, decisions. What kinds of living experiences have you had?
YUP. Apparently, my #1 celebrity match is Elton John. Who is not even in the same gender pool as me. Ah, well. The mystery as to why I have never, ever been on a date is finally solved, my dear Watson!
Hearing Aids: Oh man. If I ever forget how much I love J-Pipe, all you have to do is wave this little morsel under my brain. Even though it's about not wasting your cancer, I think most of the points apply to other illnesses and disabilities as well. The ones that stuck out to me the most:
1.) You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it was designed for you by God. (I am going through a season where I'm struggling to wrap my head around this. This part of my theology used to come so easily - we suffer because Jesus suffered. Creation groans as a woman in childbirth. The best is yet to come. I get it. But for this season, it would appear the Lord has some more He wants to show me because I can't seem to let it go. I've got to know more about this strange concept of suffering being good and not just allowed by God, but designed by God. Isn't that so not what the world would say? I marvel at that.)
3.) You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death. (Ok, hearing loss doesn't carry a mortality rate, but I think we will waste everything if we do not think about death and the life beyond this one)
5.) You will waste your cancer if you think that "beating" cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ. (I don't plan to "beat" my hearing loss. I can't. What I try to do instead is develop some sort of worldly platitude like, "I won't let this hearing loss get me down; I'm going to be awesome and prevail in spite of it. I'll show them." Whoever "them" is. But that's all wrong. None of that matters if I'm not cherishing Christ)
7.) You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection. (Oh, ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch. This is what I do, oh, 99% of the time. So, ouch)
8.) You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope. (I've said that I don't think I have or will ever stop grieving on some level for losing my hearing. But that's wrong. It wasn't mine to begin with, it was God's, so how can I grieve for what was never mine? And I do have hope - in Christ. I look forward to the day when I can hear and join in with the multitude around the throne and proclaim, "Worthy is the Lamb who was slain.")
In other news: Honestly, I'm just here to kill time before Lost comes on. Before the final season of Lost comes on. Ohhhh, the anticipation is running rampant in these here parts!
I have a decision to make in the next few months... my lease is up in July but I have to give the leasing office an answer by May. Stay here for another year? Move back to the city? Stay in the same area but a different residence? Get a roommate or go it alone? Decisions, decisions. What kinds of living experiences have you had?
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