To cochlear or not to cochlear

I always figured I would get a cochlear implant... someday. I don't have any special reasoning behind this other than that it just always felt like the natural order of things. I've been operating under the assumption that eventually, I'll lose all my hearing (I've lost most, but not all) and would need a cochlear implant... someday. I never had any time frame for this mysterious someday... it just wasn't right now so I didn't concern myself with the particulars.

But now, I find myself drawn to the topic with surprising frequency. In two short years, I'll be 30. I don't know why, but getting a cochlear implant always seemed like a very 30s thing to do. Old enough to be sure that it's what I want and young enough to appreciate the benefits, bounce back from the surgery quickly and (knock on wood) handle the rehabilitation process with more ease (in theory, anyway... everyone responds to surgery differently, I know. I'm just sayin'... generally speaking, there are benefits to having this kind of procedure while I'm in my spring chicken stage of life).

I'm not sure I could pinpoint any one reason why I think getting one is a good idea. I'm concerned I might want one for the wrong reasons. I'm tempted to think it will make me "more hearing," and thus help me to fit in. But hearing aids and cochlear implants aren't like glasses. When I put my glasses on, my vision is, for all intents and purposes, back to normal. Being deaf or hard of hearing isn't like that, though. Hearing aids, cochlear implants and assistive listening devices can help fill in some of the gaps, but they do not "cure" hearing loss.

I know this, but still I wonder... would music sound sweeter with a cochlear implant? Could I learn to recognize speech without always having to look at someone? Would having a cochlear implant help me be more aware of my auditory surroundings?

On the other hand, I am doing well with my hearing aids. Why rock the boat? Also, getting a cochlear implant is permanent; if for some reason the implantation or activation was unsuccessful or if I decided I just didn't like it, then my understanding is that I couldn't just go back to wearing hearing aids. Finally, I know my hearing aids, how to care for them and what the world sounds like with them. A cochlear implant seems so foreign and I suspect that's where most of my hesitation comes from - a fear of the unknown. 

So I'd really like to hear from others who have a cochlear implant. What prompted you to get one? How do you feel about the results? And if you are deaf or hard of hearing but do not have a cochlear implant - why not? Do you wear hearing aids or use any other assistive listening devices?

idk, my bff chloe?

Random fact of the day: My hearing aids used to buzz right before I got a text message. I think they were picking up the signal but part of me likes to think I was just a little psychic.

Hearing aids: Speaking of text messages, let me introduce you to Chloe. Chloe is my faithful sidekick... literally, my Sidekick III from T-Mobile. ;-)



(I got that photo from the internets but you get the gist). I love her. I (obviously) don't have a voice plan (I can't talk on the phone unless it's a CapTel or similar device), but for $29.99 per month, I get unlimited text, web and email. Not too shabby, friends. It seems to have been a pretty popular choice among the deaf and hard of hearing community when it first came out but I'm wondering if improved technology (iPhone, iTouch, iWhatever) has changed things. Anyway, I love my Sidekick and yes, I named her Chloe after the character in 24. I'm a nerd. Just go with it.

Before the Sidekick, I had a Motorola 2-way pager:



Literally all it was good for was sending texts. I was glad to even have that option at the time but I'm so thankful for how far technology has come in just a few short years!

In other news: I feel like a senior in college. Caged, a little burnt out, ready for the next big thing. Except this time, there's no First Real Job to look forward to. No Living On My Own For the First Time lurking on the horizon. Those were the Next Big Things after college. What's the Next Big Thing(s) after those? If you say marriage and/or babies, I'll face palm you. (I'm not saying I'm against either one. I just have trouble seeing myself as a wife or mother. Or as soon-to-be sis-in-law called it once, a "wother." Or a "mife," I suppose. I digress.)

So tell me, friends, is this the elusive Life we all speculated about in college? Going to work, paying the bills, connecting at church, stalking people online? (Maybe that last one's just me. Hm.) In between all of that, making friends, hanging with the fam. To be brutally honest, I'm bored. For now, I'm okay being a little bored since last year was so un-boring, but I'm getting restless for change again. I think spring does that to me.

Counting my blessings! Really!

Random fact of the day: I have to edit a lot of bridge columns at work. I can now tell you an awful lot about bridge except how to play it.

Hearing aids: One of my hearing aid batteries quit on me today and I didn't have any extras in my purse. It's not that big of a deal, really. Just annoying. It's like all the sound in one ear just gets cut off. Makes me feel off-balance. But it's different when I deliberately choose to not wear one hearing aid (usually because the earmold doesn't fit right or something). That doesn't bother me. Getting caught without spare batteries does. Weird, right?

I buy batteries in packages of 16. They usually cost something like $13, $14 per package. Not great, not horrible. I change my batteries maybe once every couple weeks, or once every week and a half or so. So I figure I use four batteries a month. So one package can last me several months.

A few weeks ago, I walked into Radio Shack to get more batteries (Radio Shack is my supplier, yo). They were marked as $2.99 each. I thought for sure it was a typo and they were really $12.99 each. NOPE. They REALLY were $3 apiece, so I bought six packages. YUP. That is like two years' worth of batteries for $24!!! WIN.

I've been thinking about hearing loss and relationships. I've blogged a bit about that before (here, here, here, and here ) but I don't really talk about the good things. There are good things and there are good friends and people who DO want to help. I think that often I just look at the ways that hearing people do relationships and how much easier they have it. When I look at my own life and realize it doesn't look like theirs - I don't function like they do, make friends like they do, etc - I assume I've failed. I think that others don't care because they don't interact with me the same way they interact with others.

But the thing I need to get is that's not true. I haven't failed. Just because people interact with me differently doesn't mean they don't care. It does mean they have to put a little more effort in and yes, I think that sometimes people who haven't gotten to know me are intimidated by that, but for every one like that, there are five who aren't. And yes there are times when people forget to speak clearly or they look away or get a little impatient, but how can I fault them for that? How can I expect them to remember everything all the time? How can I, when I'm human, too?

I'm so grateful for my church. They WANT to help me communicate and get plugged in and DON'T WANT to see me isolate myself and they recognize the dangers of doing so. We're learning together, I think, how to navigate this communication thing. I'm so thankful for my friends there - who pick up a notebook and jot notes for me. Without asking. For friends who know sign language and can clue me in from across the room. ;)

I'm thankful for my friends and family (who I totally take for granted) who love me for ME and chastise me for ME and tease me for ME and not for my hearing aids. And even the stuff about me they don't like - that doesn't have anything to do with my hearing aids but everything to do with who I am as a person. I love them for doing things like having a quiet side conversation with me at a crowded party. For cheerfully planning one-on-one activities, for texting instead of calling, for tagging along to movies that are 30 miles away.

I wouldn't trade my job for anything. Not because of the work itself but because of my bosses and co-workers. They so freely and naturally clue me in when it's apparent I've lost my place in the conversation. They choose the quiet part of the restaurant when we go out to eat. They let me know what I missed when we have company-wide meetings. They say things like, "If you ever need anything, let me know!" "What can we do to help?" "What if we tried this?"

Man, I've really got it good.

In other news: I'm going to pull a Seth Meyers and do my own version of "REALLY?!" (the clip I linked to isn't captioned, so please forgive me if there's any offensive content!)

Winter Olympics? Really? The Olympics for cold-blooded creatures who think they're too cool for normal sports? Also known as the Games That Remove All Hilarity From Thursday Night's Lineup. Really?

Google's Buzz - REALLY? What is this? Facebook for Google? Foogle? Twitter for Google? Twoolge? Worse yet, Facebook, Myspace AND Twitter for Google? I'd make up a word for that, but my keyboard might explode. Really.

Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow!

Community + Chocolate = WIN

Random fact of the day: I've decided I really like the name Molly. My friend Molly cut my hair this week and it looks fabulous. I adore Molly Piper's blog. And let's be honest, Molly could totally take Kirsten in an American Girl showdown.

Hearing Aids: So I had this dream the other night (get used to me starting sentences like this. I do love me some whacked-out dreams) that I had a baby and she was crying and somehow, I knew that, but I was panicking because I couldn't find the baby monitor to tell me whether or not she was crying. (Okay, if I KNOW the baby's crying, why do I need the monitor? I don't understand my dreams, I just tell it like it happens) Anyway, I find the monitor and it blinks red when the baby cries. And I'm looking at it and all I can think is, "This is brilliant!! Someone should make a whole line of appliances JUST for hard of hearing people JUST so they can make sure they did, in fact, hear what they thought they heard." RANDOM.

For the record, there are a lot of things out there to help alert people with hearing loss. For example, I have a vibrating alarm clock. It's not very big and it has a clip on one end meant to be clipped to my pillow. I just throw it in my pillowcase and it usually shakes me awake in the morning. Except the last week or so, I keep sleeping through it. Might be time to change the batteries... or I've just been far more tired than I realized! ;)

In other news: I'm thinking about making some cupcakes and taking them to my neighbor across the hall. I've lived here five months and have yet to learn her name, even though I've had plenty of opportunities to do so.

I've been thinking a little bit more about community and I've decided I need to be more intentional where I live. I live in a suburb and my church is in the urban core. They're all about being intentional and really have a heart for the city. But I don't live in the city, I live just outside of it. I used to live there, though (not the urban core, but not far from it, either), so it would be easy for me to do my living there. Like today, I had a bunch of clothes to donate to Goodwill and I wanted to take them to the one in my old neighborhood because it benefits a mission I like to support. But there's also a Salvation Army Family Store in my itty bitty suburb, and I ended up taking my clothes there instead. Because that's where I live. That's where my neighbors shop, where they get clothes for their kids and dishes for their kitchen. I want to help them out, because that's what good neighbors do.

I hope that "community" isn't limited to my address and I imagine my life is made up of a lot of different communities. But I also think that we are called to love Jesus and love others where we are. I've been feeling guilty because I feel like I don't do enough. It's clear to me that the urban core of my metro area is hurting. They need Jesus. I have friends who work with them, I know the stories and the pain. I scratched the surface of it when I was involved in the deaf youth group. I know it's bad. And I feel guilty that I don't do more.

But the kicker is just that - I feel guilty, not convicted. I heard someone say once that Satan makes you feel guilty, but the Spirit convicts you. And if I'm not feeling that conviction, then I need to trust that I'm not being disobedient and don't have a reason to feel guilty for "not doing more."

What I do feel convicted about is not doing anything in my very own zip code. I mope around and wonder how to not waste this life. I worry about hitting 30 and having nothing to show for it. I spend my nights alone catching up on Lost or trolling the internet. Meanwhile, I have neighbors I could be meeting or community activities I could be involved in.

So that's why I will make cupcakes. Anything with chocolate in it is a good first step, right? ;)